Tighten Your Seatbelts (12)

If it weren't for those unintelligent seatbelt designers, I wouldn't be stuck in this pickle. With the average girth of the population is increasing, guys like me who have 30" waists are having a hard time tightening our belts. Or seatbelts in this case.

Having just acquired my pilot's license, I decided to explored my expanding horizons in a different plane than the one I had trained in. Heading down to the the local flying club, I had an instructor give me a checkride to make sure I could fly the plane, and then I was off. After opening my flight plan I proceeded on course to an airport about 50 nm away (nice short hop for a new pilot).

I wasn't expecting much turbulence, and that's where the seatbelt problem came in. Apparently the turbulence was expecting me. Somehow I'd chosen to fly the Jungle-Plane Hippopotamus Edition (not the aircraft's real name) and I had naively disregarded the fact that I could fit four of myself in the seat after tightening the seatbelt as much as I could. Hey, a small circuit around the airport doesn't really have any bumps, unless you make terrible landings.

But now I find myself alone in the cockpit at 12,000 ft, being knocked around the cabin like a marble in a tin can. It's amazing that I'm still conscious after banging my head for 20 minutes. I remember a grey roll of sticky stuff I had left in my flight bag. Never thought it would have such use. And that's how I ended up duct-taped to my airplane seat.